literature

Gone

Deviation Actions

SilentSoulDeathSpoon's avatar
Published:
280 Views

Literature Text

I find myself walking back there
Back to where she used to lie
Speaking words to myself until I open the door
Realizing she is no longer there

The loneliness sinks in
Reality slaps me in the face
The tears find their way to my eyes
And take their trails down my face

I walk down the hallway again
It has all too suddenly become longer then usual
Like I'm walking down a corridor of anguish
Voices haunting me with each step

My heart cries out to them
Seeking that one voice among the rest
The voice of the familiar
The voice that soothed me ever so many times

My ears strain themselves
Trying to tune out those taunting calls
Trying to listen for her
How long will I wait?

My hands slide anxiously against the wall
Hoping to feel and grasp that hand that has picked me up and led me
I never feel what I wish
I only feel the cold bumpy texture of the hallway walls

My voice speaks out among the others
As I walk this lonely stretch of concrete
Hoping to converse with her
But only wicked malicious laughter replies

It seems to go on forever
This cold unleveled hallway floor
Yet I know it only takes a few steps to appear in front of my door
What is going on?

Many have asked me what it was like
When I found out she was gone
When I found out I wasn't there to say goodbye
I will tell you

My breath was lost
It seemed as if the world moved faster then the speed of light
The slowly blurred together
Until color was no more

The world did not exist
I saw nothing all around me
The only thing I heard was the sound of my heart shattering like a glass that has fallen upon the harsh ground
And my voice being taken over by my sobbing

What warmth I knew had vanished
And I was hugged by the cold arms of death and loss
As sorrow played with my heart
Like a cat bantering a dying mouse

The one word was all I knew
All I heard
All I believed and yet couldn't bring myself to
. . . Gone

How?
It was impossible!
There one day
Gone . . . the next

It's amazing how death works that way
How someone can be there one minute
And then vanish the next
It's cruel

The next few days after were so surreal
It was like I was wandering inside a dream
Words I said would not be remembered
And things I had done would not matter

My heart was numb
I didn't know what to think
What to feel
What to do

The sunlight would seep into my room as she brought the morning
Reminding me I had not slept yet
Did it really matter?
I couldn't think of a reason I needed to

The Mourning Doves sang ever so softly outside my window
I found peace in their melancholic voices
My heart sang a sad song of its own
And at the end of the day it was screaming

The moonlight softly kissed the earth
Usually a sight that would bring such serene bliss to me
I felt nothing
And yet everything

I sang to the stars as they glittered like waves in the black sky
A soft heart-broken song
Hoping she could hear it somehow
I have no idea if she could

Other nights
I would throw my gaze heavenward  
My heart screaming a single question
A question that has yet to be answered

This hallway is my enemy
And also my shelter
My prison
Yet my haven

My footsteps are heavy
My eyes are bloodshot
My heart has given up
And my shoulder finds a comfort against the wall

With my eyes closed
I begin to dream
Of my life where she wasn't gone
Where she wasn't sick

Oh how I long for that!
But my longing will never become reality
Reality will never be a dream I so desperately wish it could be
And my wishes will never come true

I know how hopeless that sounds
But that is life
You cannot live life on dreams and wishes
For too many times I have been broken for being so foolish

That day was the day my dreaming ended
That day was the day my hope had ceased
That day was the day I no longer wish upon a star
That day . . . was a day I will never forget

When I was on my way home with a friend
Praying to God and begging Him not to take her
My pain suddenly vanished
The pain in my chest and side

Deep down
I knew
But I didn't want to accept it
I couldn't

When I entered my home
My most beloved sister walked towards me
Her face claimed by tears and distraught
That was when the world stopped

In a breaking voice
She told me something I had known
Something I had wished I would never hear
"She's gone"

My mother told me before she passed
She wanted me to be a success
She wanted me to be everything I could
She wanted me to live

I promised her
When she told me it was going to be hard
But not to quit on her
I promised her I wouldn't

It feels sometimes the roads I walk are leading nowhere
Every step is filled with uncertainty
Every aching climb up a mountain
Makes it harder for me

I am so weary from these roads
I am aching to finally find some place I am yearning to be
Where or what that place is I have no idea
Just somewhere that I can make sense of everything

This hallway is so taunting
Mocking me with every step
Every
Aching
Step

This world still feels so dead to me
The people in it just go on with their busy lives
Not giving me a glance of reassurance
Just cold strides and views of their backs

I was told by many
That if I never needed someone
If I just needed to talk
They would be there for me

Within these past three months
Hardly anyone has spoken to me
I know I can make the effort to contact them
But it shows me who really cares when they reach out to me

I am shocked at my "friends" at my church
They were the ones who made the biggest deal of being there for me
And two months have passed since I was there last
And not one word

I wonder if it is wrong to be so angered by that
I mean they basically lied to me
And I hate when people say that they are here for me
And yet when the time comes they always have an excuse why they can't

Is it so inconvenient now because my mother has been gone for 3 months?
You might think I'm over it
But you are such a foolish moron to believe so
I am nowhere close to even begin my acceptance

So many thoughts
So many emotions
So many tears
As I walk down this hallway

When I finally reach my door
Walk into my room and close the door behind me
I fall to my knees
And I weep

I weep at the fact she is no longer here
I weep at the fact I wasn't there to say goodbye
I weep at the fact I couldn't save her
And I weep now because I miss her so . . .
This is a very long poem, as you can tell ha. I don't know what inspired it. I just started thinking, opened Microsoft Word, and just started writing. I know near the end it kind of trails off, but somehow that just erupted from me, and I had to get it out. I am so frustrated with these so called "friends". Say that they are here for me if ever I need them, that they'll do anything, and yet when I need them, not one word. Or they give me some excuse as to why they can't be. Am I asking so much? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.
© 2010 - 2024 SilentSoulDeathSpoon
Comments13
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
EnshroudedVixen's avatar
This one came out really well. You clearly poured out your thoughts and emotions in this, and I bet it felt good to rant a little near the end. This was written beautifully, and I enjoyed reading it. :)
Well done :heart: :hug: