|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
Ashes of RemembranceIt amazes me.
Someone that could barely fit in my arms,
I can now hold in my hands.
It's an awful feeling.
A realization I could've gone years without;
A realization that this has happened.
I know it's been over a year now,
Don't remind me.
But it still hasn't sunk in.
I gaze upon the urn,
Taking in all the attention to detail;
The etches in the brass filled with gold.
The swirling designs,
The black coat behind it,
Making the gold pop.
It's so simplistic,
Yet the design couldn't be more complex.
Heh . . . just like you.
I can't tell you how many times I gaze in the back room,
Hoping . . .
Praying to see a movement.
Something in my heart desperately clings to a diminishing hope,
A hope that you are still here.
I know it's useless.
My dearest Mother . . .
I don't understand it.
Any of it.
Will I ever?
It's all a matter of time.
I cannot tell you how much it hurts.
To remember the woman who was so full of life . . .
Now fills an urn with her ashes.
It IsIt's not about what happened to you.
It's about what you learned FROM what happened to you.
It's not about looking back at the things that rise fear, regret, and uncertainty.
It's about letting go of those things and looking forward.
It's not about what used to be.
It's about what is now.
It's not about who you WERE.
It's about who you ARE.
My LoveMy body cries to you,
My heart screams to you,
My soul begs to you,
My hands search for you,
Just to simply touch you sends shivers up my spine.
My lips beckon for yours,
Your kiss is so intoxicating.
My eyes gaze upon you,
If only you knew how beautiful you are.
Oh my love,
If only you knew.
Your touch makes my skin scream in ecstasy,
And cries for you when you abandon it.
The pressure of your body on mine,
A feeling I cannot describe.
When you are gone for too long,
My body longs for yours.
My skin longs for your touch,
And my lips long to be caressed by yours.
I do not think you know how much I love you.
Perhaps that is my fault,
And I am sorry.
But my dear if only you knew,
For I cannot describe it in any language.
If I wrote a poem telling you how much you meant to me,
How much I love you.
I'd be writing for days.
I would die for you my love,
If the situation ever came to it.
When you look at me,
I see the adoration in you
I Failed HerThe silver glistens in the light
Perched right above my heart
The Celtic Cross with the Trinity knot
Bought in memory of her
It matches the tattoo on my back
One of my fondest memories
Something she and I did together
One . . . last . . . thing
It seems so strange to me
In almost 3 months
It will be a year
That she's been gone
A year . . .
A friend struck a conversation with me
I had no intention of it going the way it did
I found something out about myself through it . . .
I'm angry at myself
Plain and simple.
Through the tears I cried
And the pounding of my breaking heart
I poured out words I never knew I'd say
And found a realization I never thought I'd see
I wasn't there for her . . .
I wasn't there for her when she died
She was my mother
Granted I didn't have the best relationship when I was a child
Not till I was 17 did I see her as the mother I needed
And within the 3 wonderful years I had with her . . .
I vowed I'd always be there for her
I Was One Of ThemThis hunger is killing them,
This desire to be free.
These demons crying to be fed,
Their hands shake.
Their heart is pounding,
Their eyes clouded over.
They seek for mind-numbing ,
They seek for spirit cleansing.
They pierce the vein,
Injecting their own personal Hell.
They strike the match,
Setting aflame all the pain of the past.
They cut the lines on a broken mirror,
Reflecting their hopelessness.
Reflecting their demise.
Their hands are marred,
Their hands are empty.
As are their hearts.
They see me,
But they don't.
They need to be reminded they are alive,
And yet they couldn't be more dead.
I see their desperation,
Pleading with themselves that this isn't reality.
They couldn't handle it,
So they created their own.
A world of purple skies,
A world of nothing but lies.
False comfort found in a syringe,
Dying hopes vanishing in the swirling smoke.
These broken wastes live,
But never really live.
They run this mental race,
5. Seeking SolaceIt's in the sound of your hoof beats,
That I find my lullaby.
It's in the whinny you cry out,
That I feel I am wanted.
It's the tender hug you give,
That I feel I am protected.
It's in the loving caress of your muzzle,
That I feel a warmth no one else can give.
It's in the way you move,
That causes my poetry to be born.
It's in the way you speak without words,
That I find the help I die for.
It's in your beauty and fire,
That I find a bit of myself.
It's in your love,
That I feel alive again.
In every foot print I leave,
Your hoof print will be beside it.
And when someone sees only your hoof prints ,
It was then that you carried me
One DayI put on my makeup,
To hide the tearstains.
I rehearse my lines,
Getting my character right.
I practice my movements,
So it seems believable.
The places I go,
The streets I walk,
They are all my stage.
My friends and family,
They are all my audience.
I put on the act,
Make them believe the script; my lies.
I am not who they think I am.
I play the role of a fun, random, upbeat woman,
Who has it all together.
I am sorry my loved ones,
For I have lied to you.
You see what I play on the outside,
But I don't dare let you see my inside.
For I am nothing but a broken mess,
Screaming in agony.
I have been battling myself for over a year now,
Fighting to keep going
Fighting just to breathe.
I know it is not good,
What I am doing.
I know it is only damaging me,
Dragging me further into the depths of a sorrow that I should be able t overcome.
But this is how I do things.
I lie to others,
Pretending that I'm alright.
Because I'm tired of the questions
I am tired of
promisedi wonder how my name tastes on your lips.
actually, I wonder about how your lips taste
but I can't get the answer to that.
not unless I wanted to wreck whatever was left of morality that lived in my life.
not unless I wanted you to be surprised.
and maybe surprise is a good thing, but not now.
because you're in love with someone else and that someone else has never been me.
and as much as I understand that,
i never will.
because she wrecked you and she might not have meant to,
to the way you look at me.
there will never be a clear-eyed smile from you,
never be a hug without a flinch,
be an assumption behind every "see you later".
really, I will see you.
if that matters.
SpeechlessWriting is my passion.
It's what I do.
It's who I am.
I can weave words easily, without thinking.
But when I think of you,
I EndedI've crumbled to pieces,
fallen into a pit,
and given up all hope.
I've never felt so alone,
looked so done,
or yelled so loud.
I finally stopped the fake,
wiped black tears,
while letting go of you.
So Not CoolIt is not cool
To wear long-sleeves
To brag about your tool
Or try to copy me
Don't think for a moment
That it's all good
You'll see what I meant
Now go do what you should
Run for the hills
Stop your words
Throw away the pills
Don't give me twothirds
It is not cool
So do not brag
About where you hide
Your little pathetic cutting tool
It is pathetic
So are you
Drugged with your special anesthetic
You will never be given a good review
PreciousCracked and chipped behind a wall of stone,
Not quite as solid only protected by bone,
The light never finds and the shadows shy away,
What was once whole yesterday is no longer today.
The breaks between the blinds mimic my mind,
Filtering only happiness with the shades that trail behind,
They are looming and leering as they creep up my spine,
Delightfully cheering you have worn out your time.
The harmony that brought me here has bloomed into a war,
I hid behind the doors only to see the blood seep onto the floor,
Forevermore I'm tainted with what we had before,
What's remembered soon becomes forgotten like a grain of sand upon the shore.
The echo that screams: we have only just begun!
Reverberates through my lungs and cracks my heart and skull.
These eyes became lifeless and dull like a distant star,
The rolling winds ceased over the meadows so far.
Trapped inside the cage beneath your chest,
Is locked what we give so easily, we will suffer like the rest,
When it has bee
I Miss YouWhere are you, Where did you go?
You left me here without even letting me know
You've been gone for so long even time can't tell
I hope you return, cause life without you is hell
I wait until each day set, wondering where you are
I'm eager to see, once again, your smile as beautiful as the stars
Are you okay, are you happy or are you sad
I'm so worried, I might lose the greatest love I ever had
An eternity will not torment me as I await
Nor allowing to lose myself to destiny or fate
I want to be with you, near to your heart
So I can give to you my love, my greatest art
A Dark ThoughtI Love You
Three words I always wanted to say
Yet I still wonder what's keeping me at bay
Nothing is wrong and there is no strife
I want to say what's in my heart
and relieve myself from my burden in the dark
In dawn's light I see you, I'm eager to approach
But a pulse in my mind prevents me to venture close
I see her walk away, and keep the words in my thought
I lost a chance, man I'm pathetic
But here are still many hours left in my life
Although I fear then it might be too late for you to be mine
I need to act fast, I want to say it
Or it'll take me years to find someone like you
But once again, damn my nerve!, I can't get too close
This is killing me, keeping this to myself as days pass
It's making me sick, I'm starting to hate love
I just wish for a minute for me to confess
Then I thought you're wonderful, beautiful and sweet
I wonder if I even have a chance to make you my "meant to be"
do you even feel the same way for someone like me?
I'm SorryFriends, I'm so sorry for making you stress & cry
Enemy, I'm so sorry you think my pain is a lie
Mother, I'm so sorry. My hurt is not your fault
Friends, I'm so sorry for letting you read that book of insults
Father, I'm so sorry I couldn't be a perfect daughter
World, I'm so sorry for not keeping my wrists from slaughter
Fate & Destiny, I'm so sorry for losing my faith in you
It's just that every night, I cry to sleep
No one seeing my tears blue
Sister, I'm so sorry I didn't give you the love you need
Mother, I'm so sorry for letting you think that my wrists bleed
You hear that world?!
I'm sorry you think I'm a lazy, spacey, unkind, ungrateful, intolerant, mean, irate, impatient, moody, emotional, stupid sadist!
I'm sorry there's a date that I call June 26th
I didn't want you to go your own way to fight back & resist!
Anonymous, I never meant to hurt you!
Mom, I never meant to desert you!
And yet, not one day has passed where I've not yet cried
Drenched with sweat
You never kept
You said you would no longer
Because the lies
Make the fire grow stronger
Memories are terrible
And pain so unbearable
Sought out to kill me
Laced with dark worries
It haunts me
I ran, but they caught me
Put me out of my misery
Before my own mind
Betrays & kills me!
Keep in Touch!
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More